Welcome To Midlife?
The search for meaning in the middle...
Lately, I’ve been thinking about and talking to folks about how they navigate midlife. From career to hormones, marriage, divorce + singledom, empty nests, finances, health and well-being... it’s a juicy space to explore.
Having recently turned 54, I’ve also been thinking about how I’ve approach midlife, what’s worked, what hasn’t, and how to keep evolving with every year. Here are four keys to how I’m navigating midlife with grace, grit, and gumption.
Create A Midlife Vision
No, I’m not talking about eyesight, which may start failing you in midlife if you’re anything like me. The truth is, midlife hits different. And it’s not just every time you check that new age bracket on demographic surveys. Or wake up with a sore neck from… sleeping. Or hear creaks when you bend your knees. Or experience sleepless nights due to hormone fluctuations. Although these experiences might be some of the reasons you need to create a new vision for yourself in midlife.
The truth is, the world starts to treat you differently at this age. Younger folks look, act, and feel like they’re from a different generation (because they are, and that’s OK). The nature of work often changes… whether it’s a promotion, new job at a new company, a layoff, quitting, or launching your own shingle. Relationships evolve—from kids leaving home for college to gray divorces and new love.
Even if most external things stay the same, chances are, you’re evolving. Which makes it an excellent time to reevaluate your vision for yourself. What in your life is working? What’s not working? What have you been tolerating that you need to kick to the curb? What have you been avoiding that needs addressing? And who do you want to BECOME (and UNBECOME) at this age and stage of life?
In my mid-40s, I went back to corporate after my mom passed and grief deflated my passion for my business. At 54, I left my current corporate job because while I’d loved it for three years, circumstances (and people) had changed, and I could either BECOME who the new regime expected me to be (which didn’t work for me) or UNBECOME that employee. In both cases, those transitions required creating a new vision of what work and career looked and felt like. It took a lot of soul searching and reflection, but I am grateful for each of those pivots.
Own/Hone Your Voice
Everyone will tell you that one of the perks of finding yourself midlife is also finding you have less f***s to give. And it’s true. My theory is somewhere between being grown and having lived long enough to know what you will and won’t tolerate, the shift in hormones that make you less likely to people please and put up with other people’s b.s., and a deeper connection to self, midlife gives you the gift of self acceptance. Which means that owning your voice is an essential rite of passage. Having worked in communications for much of my career, I’m super passionate about helping people find, hone and own their voice.
Knowing how to effectively present your ideas, advocate for yourself, and speak your truth will never steer you wrong, imho. So if you haven’t already, midlife is the ideal time to deeply listen to and honor those inner voices. They’re like a compass leading you to the truest version of yourself. If you’ve been ignoring or stifling them? Chances are, you’re feeling out of alignment in your life. If you pay attention and act accordingly? Of course there are bumps in the road (not everyone will like that you know who you are or speak your truth). But… you will be living in fuller alignment with the REAL and authentic you. And that’s such a midlife gift! It also leads you to more aligned people and opportunities.
Know Your Value(s)
Once you have a vision for this new chapter and are in alignment with your voice, it’s time to connect or reconnect to your value and value system. Which may mean asking for a raise or promotion, charging what you’re worth vs what you think a potential customer can pay, creating healthy boundaries with the people in your life who may have been taking advantage of your collapsed boundaries, and even ditching outdated relationships that no longer serve you. Is this work easy? Not always. Necessary? Absolutely. And you don’t have to do it alone. Ask a trusted friend for support. Or work with a coach. Find a mentor. Join a community of like minded people.
Midlife is also an ideal time to do a values check-in. What do you value most in life—and does your life align with those values? For example, if freedom is creeping higher and higher on your values list, your work life or personal life may need to shift to make room for that. And no, you don’t have to quit your job, but maybe instead you carve out more time outside of work for play, meditation, journaling, or time in nature. If peace of mind is inching towards the top, you may need to change the pace of your hustle, making time to slow down, tune in, and honor a more grace-filled path at this age and stage.
Lose The InVisibility Cloak
Something inevitably happens as we get older… and it can be an jarring wake up call. The world around you starts to treat you differently. Grocery clerks change your pronoun from Miss to Ma’am. Doors stop getting held open for you. Younger peers at work don’t include you in their happy hour plans. Gray hairs sprout. On your chin, no less! Suddenly, you’re googling “crepey skin” remedies. You finally understand what Nora Ephron meant by her best-selling book title I Feel Bad About My Neck.
Just because the world around you has shifted their perceptions of you doesn’t mean you become invisible. Midlife can be a wonderfully productive, creative, freeing, and fabulous time (remember those fewer f***s?). Instead of shrinking, why not stand out? Rediscover how you show up in the world, whether that’s literal or figurative. Wear a bold colored scarf around that neck. Or raise your voice and repeat yourself when someone ignores your input in a meeting. It’s not easy or dignified to feel like the world is starting to ignore you. But you have options. And value. Don’t let a cloak of invisibility invoke a disappearing act. Instead, own your right to be and/or remain visible!
Embrace Vulnerability
In my work with executives, founders, leaders and individual contributors (as well as my own experiences of stepping up and standing out), I’ve found that when you choose to own your voice, honor your value(s), and become visible, the next inevitable experience is… vulnerability. And that can send you running for cover—FAST.
What’s a midlifer to do? Lean into vulnerability. Get to know it. Let yourself feel uncomfortable.
And remind yourself that you’re brave. You can withstand the discomfort. More than that, there are lessons in the vulnerability. Practice self-compassion. Know that vulnerability is not weakness. It’s strength. And by allowing yourself to feel it, you’re pushing outside of the known to discover what’s in the unknown. I call this the work of Unbecoming the pieces and parts of us that no longer serve or support who we’re meant to Become. And in midlife, that Unbecoming is a blessing.
Which pieces and parts of this article resonate most with you? I’d love to hear.
And in case no one’s said it to you yet, Welcome To Midlife!